Welcome in, friend. Gather close and make yourself comfortable.
I’m grateful to be here in your inbox with you.
I love the last day of the year—today gets to be the final page in this chapter of our human existence. Individually, we’ve had everything from transformative to mundane to exhilarating to excruciating years. We’ve grown. We’ve reverted. We’ve sometimes done both in the same day. We’ve come closer to ourselves. We’ve lost ourselves. We’ve found ourselves again.
It’s all part of the ride. The past 365 days have meant something. They have contributed to our understanding of ourselves and how the world works, and they will forever have contributed to our life story no matter how big or small.
We should all be proud.
I’ve spent the latter half of this year digging inward. It’s been painful and worth every minute and, while I know I’ve just begun to get to the good stuff, I wanted to share something I’ve realized and have been working through to my great advantage.
Settle in, take a deep breath, and get ready to pause in 3…2…1…
Peace within.
That’s the revelation of 2023.
Peace within. Not around.
Instead of obsessing about maintaining peace around me, I’ve shifted to creating peace within me, and it is slowly returning me to myself.
The overfunctioner in me has run the show up until now (as evidenced here and here), but shit finally hit the fan this year. My body threw in the towel by way of my hormones growing more and more dysregulated to the point I had no choice but to sit the f*ck down.
I never knew being stubborn against prioritizing my needs could throw my body out of whack the way it has (I mean.. I knew. I just thought it happened to other people). But here I am, writing to you having been humbled by burnout. I thought pure willpower and determination would always be able to carry me through, but this year I found out that I do indeed have limits. I’m not Superwoman and my chronic stress, self-neglect, and dysregulated hormones were the proof.
Healing myself has required me to let go. Of doing it all. Of being it all. Of pleasing everyone. Of sticking myself in other peoples’ business. Of obsessing about being the best at whatever I’m working on. Of prioritizing other people and their problems over me and my necessary rest.
It has been identity-shattering work—to let go of the idea that peace can only be attained if I push hard enough and sacrifice myself to the world around me—because for most of my life, I’ve subscribed to the belief that my lovability is dependent on how much I produce and show up for the people around me.
Finally letting go of that belief has liberated me. It has allowed me to begin to internalize that I cannot be of service to anyone without first tending to myself. My heart needs support. My body needs time, attention, and movement. My mind needs moments of quiet and nourishment. First. Foremost. Before anything or anyone else. And that is a true revelation.
Letting go of that belief has allowed me to accept that it’s not possible to find peace around me by obsessing over and taking responsibility for the people and circumstances outside of myself because—as you likely know—none of those fools ever seem to get the gd memo of what they’re supposed to be doing (kidding—kind of 😬😂). Plus, it is so much more enjoyable to love my people when I don’t put myself in charge of dictating what’s right and wrong in their lives.
The only way—and I mean the only way—to feel peace around me is to let go and commit to peace within.
I don’t have to be hypervigilant about everyone and everything around me anymore because I’ve finally come to accept that I’m capable of protecting and taking care of myself. I know how to set boundaries. I know how to have my own back. I know how to advocate for myself. The obsessive overfunctioner who has been attempting to control it all the past few decades can finally take a seat.
What a relief (for her and for me).
⏸ Pause
What’s your most transformative revelation from 2023?
Happy freaking New Year, friend. Get hyphy. Stay cozy. Do you. And whatever today brings, remember that peace is always an option.
Love today and every day,
Booch 🤍
I freaking love this!!! Happy new year!