Welcome to The Pause, dear friend. Come on in and make yourself comfortable.
Hey š¤. Itās been a couple of months since we last met and Iāve missed being here with you. Life got hectic while planning my grandpaās celebration of life, and while there seemed to be an abundance of tiny moments filled with reflections on what it means to live a good life through the lens of my grandpa, it didnāt feel like there were many opportune moments to actually sit down and process how I could incorporate those tiny reflections into my own life.
Lucky for me, my schedule is settling for what feels like the first time in six months or so and Iām feeling that internal peace I always feel whenever I get to write to you. Thank you for patiently waiting for me while I attended to my life outside of these moments we have. Iām grateful to be back with you.
To jump back in, weāre going to take a moment and consider whether being reactive in our lives is necessary.
Settle in, take a deep breath, and get ready to pause in 3ā¦2ā¦1ā¦
Reactive
The past six months of my life have felt like one reaction after the next.
Iāve been that kind of busy where I simply canāt fathom thinking about whatās happening next month, week, orāsometimesāeven tomorrow for fear of overwhelm freezing me solid.
I know itās not beneficial for me to be reactive for that long of a period of time. Itās not good for my sanity. Itās not good for my self-care, and itās definitely not good for my relationshipsāmother/daughter, marriage, family, and friendships included. But even with this knowledge, I still find myself in May of 2023 having been reactive for almost six months straight.
When Iām in a reactive state I lose sight of enjoying what Iām doing in the present and instead become a checklist-obsessed machineāonly finding satisfaction after I have fully completed whatever task is at hand. I raincheck myself on things that make me and my body feel good because āthereās not enough time.ā I mentally drift away in the middle of conversations with people I love in a demented attempt to listen and plan my next task completion at the same time. I forget to intentionally be present for the things that matterāthe miraculous little momentsāand then feel guilty for having missed them at all.
When I finally hit the point of burnoutāthat moment the awareness hits Iāve been prioritizing almost every task/project/other person above myselfāI know itās time to let go. I desperately (and sometimes begrudgingly) admit I have too much on my plate. I allow myself to acknowledge Iāve been trying to do too much and be too much to too many people, and throw up the white flag. I canāt do it all. I canāt be it all.
Itās a relief to acknowledge this. To finally see myself and the stress Iāve been putting myself under trying to do the most and be the best. And even though Iām disappointed I got to the point of burnout, I also admire myself for having done enough work to know when enough is enough.
Itās true that some phases of life require that we be reactive. But, I think if weāre honest with ourselves, most phases of life donāt, and perhaps itās good practice to question more often whether the phase of life weāre in is actually demanding us to be reactive or if itās subconsciously being self-imposed.
āø Pause
Take a moment to check in on how youāre approaching life.
How are you feeling about your approach to life right now? Whatās working? Whatās not?
Is there currently stress in your life that is self-imposed? What is it?
Which projects are you working on that really need tending to? Which donāt?
Which people really need a response from you? Which donāt?
What happens if you allow yourself to really acknowledge I canāt be it all and I canāt do it all? What do you let go of first?
I love and appreciate you for being here. Writing The Pause fills me up and it was sadly one of the things I stopped doing for myself over the past couple of months.
Thank you for sticking around. Weāll be back to our regularly scheduled twice-a-month meetings starting today. š¤
~ L
P.S. One of the things I did while I was away was make this for my grandpaās service. In the first minute, thereās a video of him and my Nana dancing together from the 1950ās or 1960ās that brings tears to my eyes every time.
What a beautiful tribute, Lindsey!