Hey friend.
With the closing of fall comes another round-up of recommendations.
In this issue you’ll find a compilation of resources recommended by members of the paid community. This list reflects the things we read, listened to, watched, and experienced that had a positive impact on us in the fall of 2022.
Each recommendation will have a brief description and link to access it.
If a recommendation has a “*” next to it, it means it has been recommended before. One “*” for every issue it has appeared in before today.
Thank you for the suggestions and recommendations you shared with me, and in turn, provided the rest of the paid community. Grateful for you.
~ L
Read
📚 Books
1) Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
https://drsuejohnson.com/books/
A really helpful read if you and your partner find yourselves stuck in a conflict loop you can’t seem to break free from. The stories, ideas, and exercises are based off of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT).
2) Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson
http://www.drlindsaygibson.com/books
From the description: If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. In this book you’ll see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. A great read if you’d like more insight into your feelings towards your relationship with your parent(s).
3) Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention — and How to Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari
https://stolenfocusbook.com/
A beautifully researched and argued exploration of the breakdown of humankind’s ability to pay attention. It’ll make you say, “Yes! That part!”a whole bunch.
4) Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman *
https://www.oliverburkeman.com/books
The reality check on time management that I think we all need. Funny. Insightful. Well-researched. Perspective-shifting.
📓 Projects
1) Trial of the Sword: Mesa Cartographic Survey by Erica Fagin
https://www.ericafagin.com/mesa-cartographic-survey
An epic project created by a dear friend. You can read the intro to get a better idea of what the project is about, but wow, this project blew me away. The time and attention to detail this took, I have so much respect. Super cool all around.
📝 Essays
1) Does solitude equate to loneliness? by Dr. Peter Attia
https://peterattiamd.com/time-with-others/
An essay exploring whether more time spent in solitude equates to more feelings of loneliness as we age.
2) Giving Feedback When You’re Conflict Averse by Amy Jen Su
https://hbr.org/2015/08/giving-feedback-when-youre-conflict-averse
A great read if you’re conflict averse. Gives helpful prompts and tips.
Listen
🎙 Podcasts
1) The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult by The Happiness Lab
An exploration about why it’s so damn hard to make friends as adults and some steps we can take to increase our circle of friends post-college.
2) When Did Marriage Become So Hard? by Hidden Brain
An incredible overview of how marriage has evolved over time with tips on how to improve our relationships by asking less of our partners. This episode was also part of a “Relationships 2.0” series that had episodes on how to keep conflict from spiraling, the power of tiny interactions, the antidote to loneliness, and what makes relationships thrive.
Watch
▶️ YouTube
1) TEDTalk: How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris
A beautiful video cementing why childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up.
2) The Daily Show: Trevor Noah interviews Will Smith by The Daily Show
Whatever your feelings about the slap heard ‘round the world, this interview was powerful. Trevor Noah is an expert at pressing Will Smith, holding Smith accountable with compassion, and providing Smith the opportunity to be Will Smith the human instead of Will Smith the actor. Starts around the 9:15 mark.
📺 Streaming
1) Limitless with Chris Hemsworth on Disney+
https://www.disneyplus.com/series/limitless-with-chris-hemsworth
A series that explores longevity: aka how to live better for longer. Especially loved the episode on stress.
2) Stutz feat. Phil Stutz and Jonah Hill on Netflix
https://www.netflix.com/stutz
Jonah Hill interviews his therapist, Phil Stutz, about Stutz’s early life experiences and how those experiences helped him create the visual models Stutz uses in his therapy practice now. Some really wonderful visual tools included.
Experience
✨ Self-Awareness/Growth
1) The PACT Institute - Wired for Love Online Retreat by Stan Tatkin *
https://www.thepactinstitute.com/retreats
I talked about this retreat in The Pause, and in the last recommendations round-up, but I wanted to include it again because there’s a new cohort starting on January 21st. If you and your partner want some tools to create a more secure relationship for both of you, highly highly recommend.
2) The Loneliness Scale Survey by UCLA
https://psytests.org/interpersonal/uclaen.html
A scale designed to measure one's subjective feelings of loneliness as well as feelings of social isolation. I found it interesting to take even when I wasn’t feeling lonely.
📱 Technology
1) Monarch
https://www.monarchmoney.com
An app for managing money. Kev and I made the switch from Mint to Monarch in August and—though it took about an hour or so to get the autocategorizing set-up— we’re really happy we switched. The graphics/data are easier to read/manage. You do pay ($8/month), but there are no ads which is a huge plus. You can use the link above or my referral link — either way, you get 30 days free to try it out.