Welcome to The Pause, dear friend. Come on in and make yourself comfortable.
I’m writing this to you from my parents’ house and am currently navigating how to balance writing while not crushing their sweet pup who has taken up shop in my lap.
I think I’m doing a pretty good jobbblllsddoe.
(mom joke, I know. you can give me shit next time we’re together.)
Today we’re going to pause and discuss small things we can do to stay connected to the people we love.
Settle in, take a deep breath, and get ready to pause in 3…2…1…
🛬 Landing
At the end of July, Kevin and I started an online couple’s retreat.
Loaded start to this issue? For sure. So just an FYI: We are doing great. This retreat is a large part of why.
Attending and participating in this retreat has given us a whole arsenal of tools to regulate, support, and reconnect with each other in ways that we had no knowledge of before.
It’s also left me bewildered that anyone is allowed to get married without at least some formal learning on how to build and maintain a relationship that feels fulfilling and secure—like…I just meet you, think you’re cool and am like, “Yeah! Let’s be in a beautiful marriage together even though I’ve done zero research on how to actually execute on the building of that beautiful marriage!” What?? No wonder shit gets out of whack.
Anyways, back to the tools: One of the tools we’ve learned is this thing called a bedtime landing which is essentially a nightly ritual we do before falling asleep every night to help us feel connected with each other.
There’s all kinds of bedtime landings to be had. Gazing into each other’s eyes. Drawing words on each other’s backs and guessing what the other is spelling. Sex. You name something that can help you and your partner feel connected before falling asleep and it’s fair game.
Kev and I thought about it, and decided ours would be facing each other, looking into each other’s eyes and asking, “What are you grateful for today?”
It felt a little silly at first—almost like we were outsiders on our own inside joke—but as time has gone on it has easily become one of the moments I look forward to the most every single day.
I love knowing Kev and I have this check-in time with each other. I know that—even if the day spins out of control, life gets hectic and things don’t go according to plan—every night he and I have a moment set for just the two of us to be present and be together.
Our bedtime landing often takes less than two minutes. It’s not a big commitment emotionally or time-wise, and I get to go to bed every night feeling reconnected to him, and to us.
⏸ Pause & Reconnect
**Get curious. Have fun. There are no right or wrong answers; just what’s true for you.**
Just for a moment, think of your own life. Think of your own relationships—the ones you have with your partner, your kids, yourself, and anyone else of importance in your life.
What’s one small thing you can do to feel reconnected to them every day?
I love y’all. Thanks for making this another wonderful moment.
Until next time. 🖤
~ L
P.S. I’m planning to include specific details of the retreat Kev and I have been attending in next week’s resource round-up. If you aren’t a paying member but would like the details, here’s a free 30-day trial of the paid experience so you can get the details.