Welcome to The Pause, dear friend. Come on in and make yourself comfortable.
On August 1st I kicked off my recovery year.
What’s a recovery year?
I’m not entirely sure yet, but for the remaining 350 days, I’m set to find out.
My intent is to take time to focus on recovering from a multitude of unforeseen circumstances that kicked my tush over the past five years. I am hoping this next year is a recovery of emotional wellness, self-care, and physical well-being. Of joy, excitement, feeling sexy in myself and in my skin. But who knows, right?
I know there will be inevitable curveballs and stresses of everyday life, but I’m committed and curious to find out what happens when I put intentional effort into myself every day for a year. I want to know who I become. I want to know how I transform. I want to know who I am when I really, purposefully, look at and commit to myself.
So in honor of this, I thought it’d be nice to spend this edition of The Pause talking about just this: recovery.
Settle in, take a deep breath, and get ready to pause in 3…2…1…
Recovery
A few months ago I was on a morning walk with a dear friend, fantasizing to her about when the calendar would hit August 1st.
It’s the date I’d be done solely running my daughter’s PTA, and I’d finally be able to take some time to focus on myself (so I told myself… we all know I could have been taking time but was choosing not to).
I’m planning to take a sabbatical for a year.
As a stay-at-home parent with a child in daycare, I judged myself for saying this out loud. What could *I* possibly need a sabbatical from? I’m blessed for Christ’s sake. I don’t even have to work!**
Before my friend had a chance to confirm whether she agreed with the voice in my head I started TMI’ing my way through the pain and suffering that made me worthy of this sabbatical exchange.
I highlighted the abandonment I’d felt when I became a parent in April of 2020. The heartbreak I’d endured from obliging to come forward and share the sexual harassment I’d experienced from a previous employer only to be met with typical Me Too bs. I threw in anecdotes about broken relationships I’d accrued from setting personal boundaries. The growing pains of my relationship with myself as a mother and with Kev in our new roles as co-parents. I was the epitome of the throwing-up emoji, until she reached out, touched my arm, and graciously handed me a gift:
Oh! So, you’re taking a year to recover?!
Every fiber in my being exhaled. Thank God for friends who see us.
YES. That. I’m taking a year to recover.
I’ve since looked up both sabbatical and recovery.
Sabbatical: 1. a period of paid leave granted to a university teacher or other worker for study or travel, traditionally one year for every seven years worked.
Recovery: 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. 2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.
I, for sure, am seeking the latter. The healing I’ve been needing is less about studying or traveling, and much more about returning to that normal state of health, mind, and strength. It’s about regaining possession of myself — the thing that has felt lost and stolen away from me for the past several years.
As I’m writing this to you, my self-care regimen has Bambi legs.
I’m lost. Perplexed about who I really am. But also, I’m ready. I’m ready to step into—back into??—myself. I’m ready to let go of the things that have hurt me. To feel hope and joy and lust for life again. I’m ready to discover what makes me tick as who I am today, not who I was before life unfolded in the past five years. I’m ready to shine again. To let love and my belief in the good of people guide me.
A year from now, I’ll know what taking a recovery year means. I’ll know how purposefully putting 365 (+1 for Leap Year) days of effort into myself can transform me. But until then, I am open and committed to recovering myself in whatever ways I need, and that is a really thrilling place to be.
⏸ Pause
Genuinely curious for guidance and advice.
Have you ever had to recover from a series of circumstances that almost broke you?
How did you find your way back?
Thanks for being here and welcoming me into your inbox. You’re a gift and I look forward to sharing my recovery process with you.
~ L
Addendum:
**I have since reframed this. I know I work, arguably, all the time. What I likely should have said is, “I’m not even burdened with the responsibility of bringing home money for our family.”
I love this idea! I've never thought of take a year of recovery, but my first thought for how I might involves lots of time in nature. Time outside each week, even just meditating, should do wonders to your healing and mind-peace! Congratulations for doing this for yourself!
Have you ever had to recover from a series of circumstances that almost broke you?
Man have I ever. But one thing I've learned is that you can't always have it easy the hard times is what makes us who we are and farms us to who we supposed to be. I feel like if I hadn't went through the things I've been through then I wouldn't be who I am today. And with that pain to me forms into power. The last 10 years for me personally have not been the greatest I've been through a lot emotionally legally financially and even spiritually. But if the things that happened to me one have happened to me I don't think I would be where I'm at today. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt any less or I don't have to deal with the actual effects of the things that happen. I think taking time to deal with yourself and the things you've been through is a wonderful idea because as parents and as family and friends and aunts and uncles we tend to push all trauma and the things that happened to us on to our children so you taking time off to help yourself I think is a beautiful thing.