Letters to Jasmine Pt. 3
Low and slow and right on time
Welcome in, friend. Gather close and make yourself comfortable.
I’ve been allowing myself to let go of timelines.
More specifically, I’ve been allowing myself to release the idea that projects of my creation have to be finished by a certain self-imposed date.
Approaching projects this way is making me feel a healthy combo of refreshed, unstressed, and trusting. Instead of feeling the need to plot out every project and to-do list item, I’ve started to trust myself to follow through. With that trust has come a newfound leniency around when I actually get these projects done, and I feel spiritually liberated.
I’ve been working on a book to Jazzy for, coming up on, five years. If you had asked me five years ago when I’d like to have this project done, I would have said ASAP. I wanted to check the box. To be done and to congratulate myself for a lifetime achievement even though I was only just entering my 30’s and parenthood itself.
I love a good spreadsheet. I love being organized. And also, I’ve come to believe there are some parts of life that are better off unplanned. That the magic needs to be trusted to unfold in its own time instead of coerced into folding into the timeline I’d prefer.
I’m not exaggerating when I say this project feels like my life’s work. To the core of me, I know there’s not a more meaningful project I could be putting my time into besides parenting itself. Why would I want to rush that? Why wouldn’t I want to allow it to unfold the way its supposed to?
The writing comes in spurts, sometimes. Sometimes, the writing doesn’t come at all, but when it does, I capitalize. I listen—writing Notes on my phone in the middle of a grocery store or sitting on a park bench looking out at the Golden Gate. I’m not rushed. I know that this project will manifest because I trust myself to be present to what it needs and I also trust myself to let go. I know what I know. I don’t know what I don’t know. And I trust that if I keep grounded, what’s meant to be said will be said.
⏸ Pause
What’s a project or life experience that may benefit from you letting go of the timeline?
Sometimes things come when they come. Many times, they’re different and better than I could have ever imagined. I hope the same rings true for you.
With love today and every day,
L/Booch
P.S. A recent letter for your Friday ❤️.
Sweetheart,
You are not your worst decision. Please don’t let a lapse in judgment ruin your life.
If you do something you’re not proud of you don’t have to hide it for fear of being abandoned. The fear of rejection may be wired into you, but with practice and age you will have the experience and equipment to reason through it. Don’t be scared of your mistakes or your lapses in judgment, honey. Be scared of what happens to you when you allow those lapses in judgment to run the show. Be scared of what denial of them can do to your own soul because that is always the real loss—I’ve come to know this denial means a part of you believes love is conditional on you choosing the healthiest decision every time and it isn’t. My love for you is unconditional and I hope you can grow to feel love is allowed to be unconditional for yourself, too.
Loving yourself through your mis-choices is just as valid of an option as being angry at yourself for them. Just because you choose to love yourself doesn’t mean you’re going easy on yourself or that you’re in denial of the effect of your choice—you are allowed to feel regret and be kind to yourself. You are allowed to reap the lessons of an out-of-integrity decision and still know—deep down inside—that the core of you is good.
When you’re unkind to yourself, it hurts. Try not to hurt yourself, my love. You will lie. You will act out of integrity. You will avoid taking responsibility of how you chose to act by explaining why you did what you did or denying your actions altogether.
And you know what? The core of you is still good. Love still lives inside you. You are still loved. We all, every single person on this earth, have done things we’re not proud of. We have all lied, acted out of integrity, and avoided taking responsibility, and we are all—all of us—still allowed to experience love.
Honey, you are a gift. All of you. Every moment. Every decision. Every misstep that was actually the exact step you needed to take. They are all a part of you, and it is the whole of you—every part of you—that I am so deeply in love with.
Keep your head up, sweetheart. Believe in yourself. And know, deep in your soul, that whatever you did (or didn’t do), whatever you said (or didn’t say), you have been, and will always be, loved.