Welcome to The Pause, dear friend. Come on in and make yourself comfortable.
A few months ago I let you know I’m working on a book for my daughter. Since then, I’ve continued to work towards completing that first draft, and I thought for today’s Pause, I’d share my first attempt at talking with her about the feeling of security.
Settle in, take a deep breath, and enjoy this newly written chapter in 3…2…1…
💌 Security
When I was young, people talked a lot about love. The importance of it. How to feel loved. To find your true love. Etc.
As life has gone on, the thing that I crave more than love is security.
I want to feel safe with the people I’m with. I want to know I will feel known, seen, and heard, and if not, I want to know there is the space for us to have an honest conversation about the hard stuff. I look for relationships in which generosity of spirit is in abundance – where understanding, benefits of the doubt, freedom of expression all live and breathe and in turn, create an environment in which security can live.
Jazz, if you find a place or a person that doesn’t feel safe or secure, please don’t ignore that feeling. Get curious about it. There is a reason you don’t feel secure and whether it’s conscious or not, you will likely never be able to experience the fulfillment of having an honest relationship with that person until you confront that truth.
If I love you, I want you to feel secure. I want you to feel solid. Sometimes more than feeling loved, I want you to feel secure. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will be there with you, looking you in the eye and feeling you through your pain. I want you to feel safe to bring your bad decisions, heartache, mistakes, and mess-ups to me. I want you to know that you have somewhere to bring it all. A sense of security. A sense of safety. A sense of home.
Love is the entry point. It’s the door. It’s what will get you inside.
Security is what will keep you.
Security is warmth. It’s hospitality. It’s a safe space to lay your head when you’re tired and not feeling your best. Security is a state that feels like you could be there forever and it wouldn’t exhaust the person you’re with. Security is freedom. Freedom to feel what you really feel and be who you really are.
Relationships that have a quality of security are rare gemstones to hold onto. Pour into them. Prioritize them. They don’t come around all the time, but when they do, they will change you for the better.
I appreciate you for reading and for being a safe space to share this intimate project.
We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled shenanigans next issue. 🖤
~ L