Welcome to The Pause, dear friend. Come on in and make yourself comfortable.
I’m so grateful for this space on the internet. It provides me with an opportunity to connect with you and share meaningful moments and revelations I’m experiencing in my everyday life. I shared Letters for Jasmine with you the last time we met and you came to me with such love and celebratory encouragement—thank you for that. It has done wonders for my resolve.
Today I’d love to spend a moment reconciling our past and present selves.
Settle in, take a deep breath, and get ready to pause in 3…2…1…
🪞I’m Different
If you had asked me in July how I was feeling, I would have said something to the effect of, “I’m OK. I’m getting through it.” Much to my dismay, I was still locked in what felt like an ever-losing battle with pandemic trauma. I knew I wanted to let go and stop feeling like I was whiteknuckling—preferably going from surviving to thriving overnight—but I just didn’t know how.
Pre-pandemic I wasn’t a mom yet. I lived a life I knew how to navigate with great confidence and ease. If I was feeling down? A dance class at City Dance would calm my aching heart. Lonely? A night out with friends would bring me back to life. Overwhelmed? A day at home in the solace of my own company would help me reconnect with what mattered.
As we’ve made steps towards a more “pre-pandemic-y,” world, I’ve realized much of my remaining struggle has come from not having a clear sense of how to tend to myself as a woman who now holds the title of Mom. The world is open and— presumably—my oyster.. except that my favorite dance classes happen at the same time I’m reading Jazzy her favorite bedtime story. Nights out with friends now lead to mornings of not feeling I can be fully present with my girl. And, rejuvenating days alone have been swapped for unexpected sick days snuggling at home.
I thought when the weight of the pandemic lifted I’d feel like myself again, but I didn’t. Not even close. And because of this, I had to go through a delayed process of grieving who I was pre-baby to make way for who I am now. Motherhood has changed me and I am undoubtedly different. What I value is different. How I want to spend my time is different. My aversion to risk is different. And the thing is, I love it. I love how motherhood has changed me. But even with this love, there was some part of me that couldn’t fully enjoy who I’d become without saying a proper goodbye to who I’d been.
Today, all I want you to do is give yourself some grace if you’ve become someone different. It’s alright if your values have changed. It’s alright if the things that used to do it for you don’t do it for you anymore. It’s alright to shed. It’s alright to evolve. It’s alright to acknowledge you’re different.
⏸ Pause & Reconnect
**Get curious. Have fun. There are no right or wrong answers; just what’s true for you.**
Have you become different?
Have you made peace with who you were/how you operated/what you valued before? If not, can you do that now?
Enjoy your weekend friends. I appreciate you.
Until next time. 🖤
~ L