**This post was originally sent via ConvertKit on May 9th, 2021**
Happy Mother's Day, Pause fam. I want to take this issue of The Pause to talk about our moms.
I know this can be a vulnerable subject sometimes, so if this isn't your cup of tea, feel free to stop here and get back to wherever you were before you opened this email.
If you're ready to talk "Mom", let's get to it in 3...2...1...
💕 Mom
Since having my daughter, I think about my mom a lot. I think about who she was when she had my sister, me, and my brother at 25, 28, and 31, respectively. I think about whether she felt the same overwhelming joy, fierce love, gripping worry, and anticipatory loss I sometimes feel. I think about how she was able to get through her days and whether she ever felt as lonely as I sometimes do.
Before I became a mom, I'd mostly visit the events and memories of my childhood from my own perspective. Sure, I'd occasionally think about how my mom was experiencing our shared moments, but more often than not I'd be wrapped up in the stories I'd told myself over decades of life about the moments we shared.
Maybe it's me getting older, maybe it's me having a baby of my own, or, likely, a combination of both, but I'm starting to notice that some of the decades-old stories I've been telling myself about my mom -- stories about things like: what she should have taught me, how much she should have loved me, how she should have treated me, what she could have done better; stories that feel like they are absolutely 100% rooted in capital "T" Truth -- are pretty judgmental, outdated, and straight-up unhelpful.
Our moms have always been people -- ever-evolving, growing, and learning -- doing their best. And while I know you know this, sometimes in the stories of our lives we forget to include their humanness.
So for this issue of The Pause, I want you to think about your mom.
I want you to consider her upbringing, her life circumstances, and her experiences that contributed to how she raised, communicated to, and loved you.
I want you to consider how she was feeling in the moments when she might not have been her best. What was going on for her? If you were in her shoes, might you have done the same?
I want you to consider what types of pressures she was dealing with as a woman in the [INSERT: whatever decades she raised you in] trying to simultaneously juggle the roles of individual, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.
And, I want you to think about why you Love your mom. Why are you grateful for her? In what ways are you proud of her? Because even in all her humanness, your mom is magical -- she gave you the gift of your life.
In this period of my life, all I really want is to try to understand my mom. To relate to and connect with her. To draw insight and experience from her. Yes, partially because it feels way better to feel empathy and love about the past than it does to feel judgment, but also because one day I hope my daughter will want the same.
⏸ Pause & Reconnect
Remember, there are no right or wrong answers -- just what's true for you.
1. Do you struggle with anything in your relationship with your mom? If yes, what is it?
2. If given the opportunity, what might you tell your mom you wish she had done differently?
3. Is there any part of your relationship with your mom that you're ready to see in a different light? If yes, what is it and how can you choose to see it in a way that makes you feel more empathy, love, or understanding?
4. In what ways are you grateful for your mom? What has she given you (examples: a certain perspective, a safe home, love, life, etc.)?
5. In what ways are you proud of your mom?
6. What do you love about your mom? What makes her special to you today, and every day?
When you're finished, I challenge you to share your answers with your mom (even if she has passed on -- take a minute, close your eyes and share). It can be something as short and as sweet as, "Hey Mom, I want to share my answers to these questions with you. I love you," or it can be something longer and more involved. Whatever you choose, remember that you and her are simply two people doing their best.
Wishing you and yours a really Happy Mother's Day.
- Lindsey
P.S. If you know a mom in your life, take a minute to let her know you see her and share something you admire about her as a mom. It'll likely make her eyes teary and her day a whole lot brighter.
P.P.S. Forward this issue on to someone you know would appreciate the message (if you're the person who has been forwarded the message: Hey. You are loved and thought about -- the person who forwarded you this message is proof).
P.P.S. If you're the person who has been forwarded this message, you can sign up to get the next issue of The Pause below.